


would it be a sin

by kisahawklin



Series: Supernatural Season 10 Tagathon [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: episodic_supernatural, Episode: s10e16 Paint It Black, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-19 17:03:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3617502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisahawklin/pseuds/kisahawklin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is at the bunker when they get in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. would it be a sin

Cas is waiting for them in the bunker. Because of course he is. How the hell does he get in when they're not there? Dean doesn't remember giving him a key. He'll have to give Sammy hell about that one, handing out keys to their secret batcave.

He says nothing as they come in from the garage. Dean's been watching the tiredness creep into Sam's face over the last full on day of driving, the red in his eyes and the grim determination in his face. He'd let Sam drive because he couldn't turn off the noise in his head, way too loud to ignore and way too dangerous for him to be behind the wheel.

Sam nods at Cas as he walks right by, heading straight for his room and his mattress made of cement. 

Dean's suddenly terrified of being alone in a room with Cas.

"Dean."

Dean nods too, wishing for his body to keep moving, trying to get his legs to follow Sam down the hall to their sleeping quarters, even if he'll have to go the long way because his are a hallway over from Sam's. It doesn't work. His feet stay rooted to the floor, right under the archway, his eyes stay locked with Castiel's, because Dean never could look away.

He clears his throat, trying to get words to work, too, but his whole body seems to have shifted into neutral, not taking any orders from the driver.

"I heard you."

Fear rears its ugly head and Dean _still_ can't move, can't speak or even breathe, his lungs paralyzed just like the rest of him. He doesn't need to know what Cas heard, because there's only one thing it could be.

Dean just stands there, his heart thumping away merrily, so fast and weirdly felt in places like his neck and his hands and what the hell is wrong with him? Maybe he's dying. Maybe the mark is taking over his body. Maybe –

His eyes start working again. At least enough to blink, because he does it a few times as Cas approaches him, his head tilted like he's trying to understand some human thing that makes no sense. 

"You're tired."

Cas is close now, and Dean's entire body is on fire, every single nerve ending lit up and the whole encyclopedia of human emotion tumbling its way through his limbs. He can't tell the terror from the anticipation, and all he can hope for is a quick death. A stroke, maybe. It seems like that would be fast and relatively painless. Certainly better than a heart attack, and besides, he knows how those feel – and that's not what this is.

His eyes follow Cas's two fingers as they reach for his forehead and the last thought he has before he falls is that he doesn't have to worry, Cas will catch him.


	2. like a river flows surely to the sea

Castiel stops in his tracks.

He had long ago learned to narrow his focus for prayers to those asking for him specifically; most often the Winchesters and their friends, but lately he has turned the volume on Sam and Dean down so he could listen for Claire more closely.

He still hears Sam once in a while; usually when they are on the phone, so it's a soft echo in the background of their actual conversation.

Dean's thoughts of him are more sporadic and often spiky, a quick thought that probably accompanies a question to his brother about their daily phone calls.

This, though. This is something he has not felt from Dean in quite some time. 

When he had first met Dean, he hadn't realized the immense variety of emotions that humans could create. He understood his presence invoked a cacophony of feelings in Dean, but he had not bothered to try and separate all of them. He's not sure he would have been able to, as an angel.

It wasn't until he had become fully human that he understood what some of those emotions even were. Thinking back, he thinks perhaps there were feelings of longing, lust, arousal. Dean's reactions were so primal, then. 

Later there was amusement and humor and a softer version of the longing, something more like attraction. But all of these were before. 

Once Castiel had stolen grace to regain his angelic form, he had listened more carefully to the Winchesters, and their feelings about him. There was a warmth from Sam that was very different from all of their previous encounters. Compassion. Friendship. It was a pleasant change in their relationship.

Dean, however, had been spiraling downward, and any thoughts he might have had of Castiel were muted and diffuse. As the Mark took over, there were less and less thoughts of Castiel at all, and the silence when Dean had become a demon was deafening.

Bringing Dean back had been a difficult process; Castiel could tell Sam was grateful for his presence, a support while he and Dean did terrible things to each other – Sam physical and Dean emotional. The moment Dean turned back, there was a din unlike anything Castiel had felt since he first met Dean, though darker and sadder than back then. So much revulsion and self-hate, but such pure love for his brother and gratitude for Castiel's help. 

And yet there had been something else. Castiel hadn't bothered to put a name to it then; there had been too much to deal with at that point, the Mark of Cain an ever-present reminder of what Dean would become.

A sharp feeling of longing from Dean brings him out of his reminiscence. He hadn't been sure the first one wasn't a misunderstanding. It was short and sad, and there were feelings of loss mixed up in it. 

This one is more sustained and almost hopeful, though the sadness wrapped around Dean since he got the Mark flavors it. There's some confusion, and fear, and yet… he can almost taste Dean's heartbeat, slightly fast, and the sense of discovery is strong. 

He knows the feeling intimately. An ache for something uncertain but potentially fulfilling. He has felt it himself about Dean a number of times, though disappointment usually follows.

He stops what he's doing and heads immediately to the bunker. He's too far away to make it to the Winchesters before they finish their case, so he will meet them in the middle and wait for them to come home.

The intensity of Dean's feelings falls to a dull roar, and there are moments when it disappears completely – Castiel worries that Dean is in danger and the impotence of being unable to help chafes – but it returns in force later. There's a sense of ease and motion that means that Dean is in the Impala, able to feel things in the safety of his most familiar terrain. He can feel the moment Dean falls asleep, though his dreams are prayers to Castiel just as his waking thoughts are.

Castiel smiles.


End file.
